Have you ever felt this acute need to escape? Break free. Just leave.

Like a butterfly in a jar, Have you ever felt the glass wall enclosing you? You’re flying to the greatest heights you can reach but you still feel the need to fly higher. You want to change everything, yet keep it same. You’re confused, who are you?

All you think you need is a break. A break from thinking about all the chains binding you here, thinking about the reasons why you can’t fly, everything that is holding you back. And all you want is for this break to last forever.

That evanescent feeling of the breeze blowing your hair, your head hanging out the window of a car, music drowning all thought, lights and shapes blurred into colours – that sense of just being. No body, no life, no goals, no world – Just being. For a few moments. And then you can return to earth, fulfil all your worldly obligations. Go do it right.

But I wonder…can I make that feeling last forever? Is there a right way, where it isn’t for a few moments but all? Is that what they call peace?

If I go to the monks will it stay with me? Or will I then yearn for the stress I’ll be leaving behind? Do I crave it because its a change or do I crave it for what it is? This beating of my heart, when it is content, am I the one responsible for it or is it just the adrenaline of escape?

Have you ever felt this acute need to escape? Have you followed it to peace yet?


An empty envelope


What does life mean? Is it just existing monotonously, routinely going through the motions? Or does it involve fulfilling some higher purpose? Such musings are my affliction these days, as I wait for my Day of Reckoning to come. Its been a long & tiring journey for me. From the workshops of Kolkatan suburbs, where little children, huddled around small tables, work away their childhood tirelessly, so that their sethjis can profit, to the glaciers of Siachen, I have travelled the length and breadth of India. I used to think of myself as a messenger, a carrier of tidings; good or bad, being manifested by the outburst of emotions post-delivery. Human emotions are truly varied and all of them come together to make up a beautiful rainbow, which I have had the good fortune of witnessing multiple times during my career. But rainbows aren’t made without the rains and I have had to witness deluges and thunderstorms too. As an empty envelope, lying yellowed, tattered and torn, in one corner of a decrepit shack, I reminisce about the wide spectrum I have traversed, from euphoria to despair and from mirth to mayhem. I look back on the times when I swelled with pride seeing the joy I had brought forth and the times when it tore me up inside to see the pain and despair my messages wrought. But these are just shadows of the past, shadows of the myriad memories nestled in the various folds of my conscience. The very feelings I used to value earlier have now created a form of apathy within me, as I have been made to realise that I am just an ordinary empty envelope, withered from use, and my ministrations have started feeling as high-handed. I just lay in wait to be sealed once more, sealed forever.



Where to find great discounts..?

There is a very simple answer to this if you are in India – Desidime!

All my friends who have already used this can validate what I say… has some amazing deals that will have you running for your debit cards. Just like now online marketplaces is being taken over by the hot deals offered by paytm, there is only one site for finding all good deals at one place.


This is important: PLAY ME and read the following with this music in the backdrop

There’s a fly in my head. It’s buzzing.

Where are you going?

Why are you here?

Hello? Are you even in there?

The world is flashing past me. Blurred edges across glass panes.

Sunlight filters through. Closed eyes, sighs. Warmth.

Can you feel it?

The golden hair standing up on your arms,

The tingling coursing through your veins.

The rainbows of twilight.

This mad rush.

Who are we?

Ever wonder at the stars?

Existence. It’s just here. Always been.

But why?

The rains are falling. Dig deeper.

Grey tones and that yellow umbrella.

There is always one. One yellow in a sea of greys.

Who is it?

It’s maddening. Let it peak.

Let this confusion engulf you. Feel this spiral. Rise with it

Sharp cuts, burns and pains.

And then fall.

Winter is here.

White plains, frosted windows. Pale breath.

Feel it. The ice melting upon your fingers.

The magic in the air. Christmas bells.

Who made this?

Ever wonder?

If not, what are you waiting for?

Ask. Answer. Ask again. Keep asking.

Keep looking. There’s always more.

Keep climbing. Up and down.

Reach the roots, reach the sky

Lead or get left behind.

There is no in between.

GST and Online shopping – what will happen!

With rollout of Goods and Services Tax (GST) to happen next year, e-commerce retailers are trying their best to finish their pending stock. They are luring in customers by giving discount offers ranging from 25 per cent to 90 per cent.


But that’s going to change after July 1, 2017 when the GST comes into force. Most of your online shopping will get expensive after the GST. Here’s how:


Tax collected at source

Currently, e-commerce websites do not collect tax in any form. Under the GST, they will collect tax at a fixed rate of 1 per cent while paying to the sellers listed on their websites. This is likely to impact prices and make your online shopping more expensive. Though, the move has been deferred, it is likely to come in force at a later date.


Faster delivery

Under the GST, your goods will reach you faster as the retailers will not have to file a separate paperwork for each state. Currently, for example, if your seller is in Bangalore and you are based in Delhi, your seller will file a separate bill for logistics, another one for the state tax, etc. Under the GST, the extra paperwork imposed by states will end and make deliveries faster.


The end of freebies and discounts?

Used to mega discounts and freebies? There may not be many in future because they will attract an additional tax. Also, since an e-commerce company will have to pay the tax on the price it has purchased the goods from the supplier, it will not be worth its while to offer discount in many cases.


Shopping from global players

If you shop from portals like and, they transact in foreign currency. The government has yet to come up with clarification of rules for such operators.


Returns and cancellations will get difficult

Returns and cancellations are going to face challenges. E-commerce companies have a return or cancellation rate of nearly 18%. While collecting tax at source, e-commerce companies will have to bear the tax amount on their own and only later get refund from the government in case of returns and cancellations. The companies will face a major cash-flow disadvantage due to returns and cancellations.


Play me and then read

Life always has two routes to offer – the longer, harder one and the shorter supposedly easy one. The longer route lies amongst the plains, on stable ground. It meanders into the undergrowth, but there’s always a trail, left behind by the thousands that tread upon that ground before you. You may choose to take detours and every now and then, it’ll help you shorten the distance too. But once in a while, you’ll stumble and fall on your face. These however, are minor falls and you’ll survive. As long as you have the courage to get up. This is the route which, they say is righteous, the toughest and most exacting one and hence the only one worth traversing.

The shorter route on the other hand is supposed to be the easier one. Life is more relaxed, more calm. You always have time to spend upon yourself. However, it has its own perils for it lies upon uncharted territory. There aren’t many trails and it isn’t even certain whether it’ll take you where you want to go. It takes you through mountains and cliffs. And it asks you to take leaps. And while it takes so many safe landings to establish your trust in the path, one fall is enough to break all your bones. The world looks at this route with scepticism. They say its shorter only in distance and urge you to choose the longer one. But, the more you think about it, the more you’ll realize that it’s just a case of sour grapes. This route isn’t for everybody. That’s true. But that doesn’t imply that it isn’t for anybody. It’s easy and short, but only if you discover it first.

Besides, where’s your sense of adventure? Would you rather be flying over hilltops or walking in safety under a canopy that hides the sun in the sky? Yes, the fall hurts. It hurts so bad that sometimes it’s near impossible to get up. But nothing compares to that feeling you get, when you jump off a cliff and land safely on the next.

Turn a screw the wrong way round and you’ll have to work hard to get it in. Turn the same screw the right way and it slides smoothly, effortlessly. Would you then say that the latter is the wrong path to take?

Choose the route that fits you well. On the right path, work is always easy and effortless even though it seems to be difficult to others. So the shortest route isn’t always bad. That’s just something people who missed the sign tell themselves to feel better.


The storm clouds had been gathering in the horizon – dark grey rumblings, swirling in the sky. Lightning cracked like a whip, accompanied by a sudden flash of white. An electrical breeze blew away the stray leaves, raising dust storms on the empty streets.

The same wind, caresses my face, blows through my hair and roars in my ears, building up a bubble of anticipation deep in my heart, preparing me for the storm ahead.

Nature sometimes reflects your mood better than anything else. I can sense all my confusion in the shape-shifting clouds, drifting across the vast expanse of the sky – obscuring all traces of the calm blue, leaving behind a raging maelstrom of violet and grey and electric white.

I feel the swirling wind gather up all my emotions till I sense a tornado surge within me, battling for release. And as the first drops of water touch the ground, I feel myself let go and it all comes surging out. Suddenly, I’m standing in the eye of the storm, a cocoon of evanescent calm surrounding me, as the clouds burst and sheets and sheets of water beat down upon the world.

A strange music plays in the background. The symphony, rising and falling with my heartbeat. Or maybe it’s the other way round. My breath quickens, as the cold seeps through my skin and chills my bones. The water trickles down my body, washing away all the dirt – physical and mental. I feel cleansed from within as it becomes difficult to breathe. But I still keep letting go, letting the storm wring out all the negativity.

I raise my face, to peek at the world above and I’m mesmerized. The deep space, pulls me in and I don’t know if I’m rising above, getting sucked into that vortex or falling down the bottomless pit inside my mind.

My drenched hair clings to my face, weighing me down. Its weight reminds me to stay anchored as I feel my body rise up with the wind. But my mind, in the face of the escape it was hunting for, is lured into forgetting the world. I am numb. I don’t exist anymore. I’m just a floating spectre, in an infinite world, suspended in limbo.

And suddenly as the notes rise in a crescendo, I feel my soul rush forward and jump off another cliff. Only this time I begin to soar. I feel the smile spread all over my face, the water falling faster than ever.

But as the water runs out, my leap of freedom leaves me trapped in the chains of mortality, for as I die in my dream, I awaken in reality.

Nighttime reveries

Black velvet sky. Stars like diamonds in a coal mine. Silhouettes of swaying trees in the far horizon. Misty clouds like wisps of smoke, flitting carelessly by and silver moonlight falling softly, like a sheen covering all things. There’s a tangible tranquillity in the air. As if breathing in this solitude, you can transport yourself to heaven.

The breeze, playing with your hair, felt like caressing fingers upon your cheek. The soothing emptiness lifting your soul and carrying it beyond the confines of the concrete you are sitting on. Deep breaths as you try to drink it all in and inquisitive eyes keep searching the vast expanse for answers to questions unheard.

You don’t need words. You don’t have words. Just content sighs. Maybe a smile. And peace – soul-warming, heart wrenching, completely absorbing peace.

A  bat flies by. Flapping its monstrous wings. A black speck, wondrously visible against the almost black sky. It leaves behind a trail for you to follow.  And you fold within yourself, yearning for the wings you cut off a long time ago. But in these mellifluous surroundings, you almost believe you could grow them back…

Another sigh. There’s only one thing missing. The warmth of your body beside mine. The smooth velvet of your skin on mine. The strength of your arms holding me close. Your breath like whispered melodies. Your being, the light to my soul’s fire.

As the empty air runs through my fingers, I tell myself, I can get a blanket. I can get all the warmth and softness I need. But even as I huddle within my patch of wool, I can’t help but wonder, are you too watching the sky, this very moment, wondering, whether or not I’m thinking about you?